and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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