so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
