Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
