I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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