Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
