i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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