You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
