Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
