Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
