i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
