I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm at about main and main street
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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