Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
