Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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