He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
