Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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