Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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