I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
