apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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