You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
