that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
