She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
