I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
