I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
