Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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