Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
