Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
