You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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