Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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