I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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