Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.

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(214): View more from Texas

My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

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(718): View more from New York

One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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(702): View more from Nevada

So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(254): View more from Texas

I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off

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