I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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