So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
