Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
