i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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