You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
