His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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