I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
