no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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