I am spending my child support on dildos
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
