who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
