Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
