I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im six kinds of drunk right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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