Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
