Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
