Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
