Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
