I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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