She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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