The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
