I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
